Why do we fall in love?
Me and my partner were
chatting about love. And I asked suddenly, 'Why do we fall in
love? Why don't we step into love, or meander into the feeling?'
It got me thinking. Why is
it like a crashing into a wall, like a losing of oneself? Falling in
love for me, and I imagine for most others, brings a huge amount of fear,
the fear of complete vulnerability, a lack of control. It's been
likened to a kind of insanity by brain experts; we lose our reason
and sense of logic. We literally go crazy in love!
We find ourselves taking a
massive risk with our feelings, laying our cards on the table,
admitting our weaknesses and our dreams, telling someone we care
about how we really feel. We dare to risk the devastating
possibility that the other person, the person we are losing our heart
to, may not feel the same way.
We forget to remember.
Falling in love is so weird
when you think about it. I imagine it like childbirth; the pain and
trauma, then we forget and do it all over again. We're addicted to
the euphoria, to the insanity and the drama. And the sublime end
result; being with someone who loves us, whom we love back with equal
ferocity.
Falling in love, no matter
how scary it is, also requires something else of us, something
positive. Something you can't quantify: faith. You either have it or
you don't. You either believe your relationship could work/might
work/will work, or you don't. I think we know when we're losing
faith; we either get scared, or we start losing our heart and
enthusiasm. The good news though, is that we can rebuild faith, every
day, by investing effort. By staying vulnerable even when we're
afraid. By reaching out to touch each other, emotionally and
physically. By keeping the magic alive by looking your partner deep
in the eyes and meeting them halfway in feeling. By taking a leap of faith.
What about when it stops feeling easy?
But what happens when the
initial rose-tinted glow wears off? When you discover those little
niggling things about each other that washed over you initially?
After you have your first real argument? What happens when things get really hard, when you temporarily stop believing, but you still care about each other, still show up to support
each other, still desire to be around and make it work?
Well that's true love my
friend. And it's a decision as well as a feeling. It's much much more than just a feeling. Because a feeling can change. It's a decision to love that person wholly and without hesitation.
With love always,
Karen xxx
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