Blog Number 12: Six month lifetime (a poem)

Six months passed in the twinkling of an eye

Spans what feels like several lifetimes

We have been a partnership for 26 weeks

It doesn't sound long

Yet every day is and has always been

Another bond forged, more loving words exchanged

Honesty embraced, truths exchanged and thus

Vulnerability coaxed

From our scared and hesitant shells

From that first date, we both thought the other 'too good for us'

We were yet to realise we are both good enough

For ourselves, and perfect for each other

We both have battled

Through decisions good and bad

Through heartache, distrust and loss

Both experienced changes and crises

Which altered us to our core

Both wanting the soft and tender glow of true connection

Yet too afraid to open up fully

So we simply spoke, and walked, and were

Ourselves, taking our time, not rushing or putting on a show

A magical time lapse

As if everything else was on hold

So that we could simply be

And share, and get to know each other

By the river on a sunny afternoon

I told you about my diagnosis

You listened and accepted and understood

Told me about family and history

I listened with open heart and ears

Wanting to know you

Wanting to understand who you are

And what matters to you

So surreal

To meet a stranger I felt I'd known forever

And discovering that you felt the same

Sometimes I think about what it'd feel like

If I had never met you

If you had never taken my hand for the first time

If we had never kissed

If I had never melted into those arms

Feeling safe and warm

I can't imagine having never laughed so hard I cried

Or never danced around the supermarket aisles

Oblivious to stares and smiles

I can't imagine

Not having your love

Absorbing your kind compassion

Your understanding, your smile

Your blue eyes looking into mine

Searching and seeing me

With such love and intensity

That it dazes me and puts me into a love trance

And I simply cannot believe

Just how lucky I am

Every day with you feels like a lifetime

For Adam.

With much love,

Karen xx

Blog number 11: Who is the modern Knight in Shining Armour?

Who is the modern Knight in Shining Armour?

In olden days and fairy tales the Knight is a romantic yet dominant pursuer of his woman; she has little say in what happens to her. Her job is to be helpless; either asleep for a hundred years waiting for that reviving kiss, or hanging out of a tall tower, imprisoned until the Knight slays the dragon/climbs the tower/defeats the ogre and rescues her.

So I got thinking about the modern equivalent. In these days of equal rights and gender fluidity, where men can be feminine and women can be masculine, is there any room still for tradition and chivalry? Hell yes.

There's nothing wrong with a bit of romance. Women should be allowed to be women; to feel feminine, and men should be allowed to act like gentlemen. That's not to say people should be subservient out of fear or feeling inferior, or abusive, but we should be allowed to embrace our natural energies.

Here are some ideas about the Modern Knight:

The Modern Knight catches spiders instead of killing dragons. He acts with nobility and integrity, and appreciates that some of us are terrified banshees when it comes to certain creepy crawlies. He brandishes a bug catcher or a broom, instead of a sword.

The Modern Knight walks on the outside, near the road and the cars (not horses and carts). He does this to protect his lady from danger. I personally find this very sweet when my man does this.

You may not need him to kiss you awake and bring you back to life, but you appreciate it to the core when he believes in you, respects you, and champions your dreams and achievements. The Modern Knight doesn't wear a mask (helmet) - he is truly himself. He is consistent, not faking anything or setting out to cast a spell over you.

You dance together in the supermarket aisles, not at the ball. You travel not on his TRUSTY steed, but in his RUSTY Rover '45 - and you wouldn't change a thing.

I think the modern day definition of a Knight, is in how he makes you feel - much more than how he looks or what castles he owns. He finds you beautiful and you think he's handsome. His armour comes from his confidence in himself, and his gallantry comes not from his power, but the respect and courtesy he has for others and himself.

He brings you flowers (rather than the head of a dragon) to cheer you up or to show you he loves you and that your needs matter to him, not only if he's done something wrong. He makes you feel like a Princess, even when you're in pyjamas, feeling crap, or having a bad hair/face day.

Theoretically, he'll climb that tower, slay that enemy, be your hero...

Good day to you. Good Knight!


With love always,

Karen xxx

Blog number 10: What's our identity?

I was walking along the road, about to pick up my daughter from school, and I suddenly thought to myself 'Where's my identity gone? Why has it changed over the years? What IS identity and how is it formed?'

It seemed such a weird, random question to pop into my head, but an important one too, because it affects us all. Whoever we are, whatever our upbringing, goals and personality, our likes and dislikes, however ambitious (or not) we are, we all have an identity, and I imagine that for most of us, that identity is tied in very strongly with what we DO in our day to day life. How do YOU define yourself? How would you identify yourself, and does it change day to day?

As I was walking along, playing the role of MUM, I was feeling like a MUM. That was the role I was identifying the strongest with at that moment. I have to say that one of my favourite and most wonderful part of being a mum, is the moment my daughter comes out of school, searches for me, and a beam spreads across her face as she waves frantically. That feels wonderful, fulfilling, inexplicably joyous. In that moment I'm a mother, doing my job, looking after my daughter and making her smile. I belong at that school gate and I belong with her.

Parenting is only part of who I am.

I've only been a parent for seven years though. Which means I've only identified with that role for that amount of time. What about before then? I have juggled many roles in my life – student, friend, daughter, employee, adviser, girlfriend, partner, wife, carer, housekeeper, cook, decision maker, coach, confidante, provider, customer. Etc. 

When we meet someone new we generally ask: 'What do you do?' We answer according to where we are in our life at that time: 'I am a shop assistant. Nursery Nurse. Administrator. Customer Service provider. Telephone operator. Volunteer. Network Marketer. Entrepreneur. Blogger. Writer. Mother. Disabled.' These things we do shouldn't define us. Yet they seem to.

For example, a full time salesman may feel very strongly identified with his professional selling role whilst at work. He may feel like a HUNTER. If he lives alone, the selling may be what he identifies with the strongest. However he may go home to a wife and young children, and during that 'home' time he'll likely become a PROVIDER and identify strongly (maybe even more so) with those caring activities. He may become Father/Husband/A Broad Shoulder. His identity may switch around depending on where he is and who he is with. It's now known that a man's testosterone levels drop once he becomes a father, preparing him for this different role.

Why isn't our identity more stable?

You would think that our identity would be much more of a spiritual, constant one, regardless of what we do. I Googled 'spiritual identity' and it mainly related to religious aspects. Why does it have to be so specific? Isn't it more important to know who we are deep down; to have good and inclusive beliefs and values, in a 'whole self' kind of a way? To have our unshakeable convictions that nobody else can shift?

Why does it matter too much what someone does? Of course it matters a bit, especially if they really are doing something that reflects who they truly are and what they love. But isn't it more important to know someone's core values, beliefs, passions? Why isn't the first question we ask someone: 'So, what do you care about? What do you love about life? What are your passions? What do you believe in?'

I think our identity evolves over time. I even think that maybe as we get older and wiser, we soften and relax into our identity as a whole. Now at 37 (nearly 38), I feel much more relaxed with my sense of 'me,' and at my core I know who I am and what matters to me, regardless of what else is going on in my life.

I am at my core, loving, childlike, introverted, conscientious, adventurous, nurturing, stubborn, silly, passionate, creative, and curious. And constantly evolving. How about you?

With love AWAYS,
Karen xxx

Blog number 9: Why do we FALL in love?

Why do we fall in love?

Me and my partner were chatting about love. And I asked suddenly, 'Why do we fall in love? Why don't we step into love, or meander into the feeling?'

It got me thinking. Why is it like a crashing into a wall, like a losing of oneself? Falling in love for me, and I imagine for most others, brings a huge amount of fear, the fear of complete vulnerability, a lack of control. It's been likened to a kind of insanity by brain experts; we lose our reason and sense of logic. We literally go crazy in love!

We find ourselves taking a massive risk with our feelings, laying our cards on the table, admitting our weaknesses and our dreams, telling someone we care about how we really feel. We dare to risk the devastating possibility that the other person, the person we are losing our heart to, may not feel the same way.

We forget to remember.

Falling in love is so weird when you think about it. I imagine it like childbirth; the pain and trauma, then we forget and do it all over again. We're addicted to the euphoria, to the insanity and the drama. And the sublime end result; being with someone who loves us, whom we love back with equal ferocity.

Falling in love, no matter how scary it is, also requires something else of us, something positive. Something you can't quantify: faith. You either have it or you don't. You either believe your relationship could work/might work/will work, or you don't. I think we know when we're losing faith; we either get scared, or we start losing our heart and enthusiasm. The good news though, is that we can rebuild faith, every day, by investing effort. By staying vulnerable even when we're afraid. By reaching out to touch each other, emotionally and physically. By keeping the magic alive by looking your partner deep in the eyes and meeting them halfway in feeling. By taking a leap of faith.

What about when it stops feeling easy?

But what happens when the initial rose-tinted glow wears off? When you discover those little niggling things about each other that washed over you initially? After you have your first real argument? What happens when things get really hard, when you temporarily stop believing, but you still care about each other, still show up to support each other, still desire to be around and make it work?

Well that's true love my friend. And it's a decision as well as a feeling. It's much much more than just a feeling. Because a feeling can change. It's a decision to love that person wholly and without hesitation. 

With love always,

Karen xxx

Blog number 8: Benefit Burn-out

Arg, the endless thirty second loop of shrill classical blaring out from my phone, the repeated robot statements from the School of Let's State the Bleeding Obvious.

'All our operators are currently busy' (obvious).

'Please continue to hold, and an operator will answer you' (yes, I would assume so. Seems logical really).

'You may wish to call back later' (er, yes, I may. That's my decision really isn't it).

Baaah! I'm not calling for the joy of it or to kill time. I have a dozen more fun, interesting or pressing things to do, frankly. I'm calling because I have a genuinely important query about why I've not received my money, or because I'm trying to decypher another bullsh*t letter, or better still, three letters (all received on the same day, naturally – do they own shares in tree destruction or something) which make even less sense when they all contradict each other.

'Our opening times are...' Yes, thank you for informing me yet again! I have no short-term memory and have forgotten since the last announcement thirty seconds ago. Even with 'chemo brain' those opening times are indelibly burned into my memory.

As you may have guessed, I am writing this in real time whilst on hold, slowing losing my sanity. I thought it would be interesting and productive to plough my real time frustration into a blog and see how it pans out! See if it makes the call go faster. See if it helps me stay sane! See if it makes one person laugh or nod with recognition.

Funny, I get the feeling that whether I call up first thing in the morning or last thing during the day, the recorded message would be identical and there would still be 'nobody available to take my call.' EVER.

I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I never for one second imagined when I had my daughter eight years ago that I'd become a lone parent, nor did I imagine I'd have to stop my self employed work due to chronic illness and disease. The benefits system is there to help people who need help. Don't get me started on the underclass of people who have no intention of ever working for their money, or indeed teaching their children any kind of work ethic. They choose the benefits system as some kind of career choice. They're like an alien race to me.

My point is that the benefits system seems to be massively flawed, and getting worse. It appears to be in crisis. Whether it's because more people are claiming – who knows. I suspect red tape and nonsensical systems are the main obstacle to people getting what they're entitled to. I'm an intelligent person, but I cannot make head nor tail of a benefits letter. It's as if it's written in a deliberately obtuse way in order to confuse, baffle, and hence stop questions. I tend to scan over them, say 'Huh?' or even 'What the f***' before shoving it in a drawer with all the other thousands of trees' worth of letters.

Still waiting on hold, wanting to scream or at least hit my head rhythmically against something hard. Thirty one minutes of those crazy messages. Can't they vary them, vary the music, or at least space them further apart? I have a theory: they make the wait to speak to a human being so impossible, that 70% of possible claimants give up and either end up in the loony-bin, on drugs, or maybe resort to crime to make ends meet, as a more attractive option than waiting endlessly on hold for the rest of their lives, ending up as a dusty skeleton still clutching the phone in a bony hand.

What's worse is that whilst you're waiting for someone to answer, even if you're doing something else productive like writing a blog, you experience doubt and guilt as those minutes tick by. Well, I do anyway. I was always instilled with a work ethic. I was never a workaholic; but if I enjoyed a job I gave it my all and stuck with it. I gave good customer service and went above and beyond to help people. I feel guilt at my cancer, annoyance and frustration at my chronic fatigue and chemo side effects. This annoys me as I made a decision after my diagnosis and breakdown not to feel guilt any more; to realise I deserve a happy, stress-free life, and the money I'm rightfully entitled to to provide security for me and my family.

The phone lines close in twenty minutes. There must be a better way! This phone line has made me hate Vivaldi with a vengeance. This beautiful, vibrant piece of music is now such a trigger, that when my partner played it to me on his phone just now, I started spontaneously dribbling and had to resist the urge to smash my head against my laptop. I've become one of Pavlov's dogs. I'd rather have Pavlova clogs. I am actually losing the plot now.

Total hold time before the call was answered: sixty one minutes (a new record; wonder if I can get in the Guinness Book of Records for that). Time taken to actually sort the query, which wasn't even my fault; it was their mistake: around five minutes.

Here are my tips for dealing with benefit claims whilst keeping your sanity intact:

1. Don't. If you can help it.
2. Develop a really good sense of humour, or steal one from someone else.
3. Be productive whilst on hold. Fuel your frustrations into creative pursuits such as writing, knitting or painting. Or hitting your head against hard objects.
4. Do lots of deep breathing to stay calm and not get psychotic.
5. Play dumb on the phone. There's no point getting too frustrated or having long-winded debates, as this only stretches the whole painful process out longer and increases your stress. End the call as soon as you can, keep a log of names you've spoken to, then go do something FUN!

Ironically, this crazy-making system is creating more crackpots. If you're not insane by the time you need to claim benefits, you sure as hell will be by the end!

Love always (keep calm and beat the system)
Karen xxx

Blog number 7: Scream, shout, blog it all out!

Boy, I've gone through a gamut of negative emotions tonight; I've wanted to scream and shout and run away from my life (in fact I did do some shouting and swearing which is not ideal in front of my daughter, but trust me, it was not planned, and we've all been there no doubt).

It's so strange because it's felt like surface emotion, as in, knowing deep down that things will be okay and are in fact okay right now, despite the tears and temper. And yet it's still so important to rage and express yourself in those moments, to recognise that anger is not a dirty word, but in fact a sign of hope; of wanting things to be better. Anger can propel us to do things, to want more. I always feel it's the polar opposite of depression, which constricts and binds you to slow you down.

So I thought I'd blog it out and see if I can do something productive with the emotions and frustrations. Productive in two ways; in terms of personal expression, and also in terms of putting real stuff out there because it might affect, influence or amuse someone else, or even inspire somebody with troubled emotions to write, or help them realise they are not alone in their frustrations.

I thought it might help to divvy up the things that are affecting me at the moment, to make it all clearer and not so much like one big clumpy mess. First and foremost, I'm grappling with daily chronic exhaustion, affecting energy levels, motivation and mood quite seriously at times. It ebbs and flows, and there can be stressors that make it worse but it's also without rhyme or reason at times. It makes no sense to me how I can be aching and paining for three days in places I've not exerted as far as I know, but then following a bit of walking, yoga etc, I feel not too bad. I can want to stay in bed for two days straight and not see anyone, and not be able to focus on much, following a wonderful weekend with people I really care about. Socialising can feel stressful because I feel I have to put a 'happy' face on when I just want to grump and slide about and mope and do what I want to do in the moments I want to do them. Sit and write with coffee at 1am, watch a film and cry, do internet research on sensitive subjects. Etc.

Fatigue makes you feel so selfish, which is hard when you're a caring, aware person.

The fatigue affects everything else; it's like a domino effect. It makes parenting my young child extremely stressful at times, and parenting a young child can be hard enough as all parents know. I want to be a loving, open, educational, fun loving parent, not a crying, slurring, lying down frustrated mess. I'm glad my daughter is old enough to understand that 'mummy gets tired' and she'll happily bring the Samsung tablet into the room and watch her cartoons cuddled up next to me, when I'm too exhausted to move. However I don't want her to feel responsible or like my 'carer.' It's so tough.

My fatigue has lasted around 8 years now, since I had my daughter by traumatic emergency section. I sometimes wonder if the two are related. Ironically it's made my insomnia and sleeping problems worse. You'd think fatigue made you sleep better, but oh no. You crash out when you need to, when your body gives you no choice, but you're still exhausted. I was put on oral chemo 6 months ago which is still very hard to talk about because I don't have a well known condition that people recognise. I have a rare, confusing chronic illness that even doctors cannot pronounce properly or agree on how it should be categorised.

To put it out there and spread awareness, I have a disorder/neoplasm called Essential Thrombocythaemia, which is basically where the bone marrow is producing too many platelets. It was diagnosed relatively quickly using blood tests and an unpleasant bone marrow biopsy (for which I'm grateful to our NHS – many people in America cannot get the tests needed, and have to pay for them themselves). It has clogged up my spleen causing it to enlarge, reducing my appetite. I've lost over a stone and a half in the last year. I look shockingly skinny in photos, despite convincing myself I still have a massive bum in reality.

My Haematologist claims “we don't call this cancer or the treatment chemo as it's unhelpful.”

My doctors are confused as to what this disorder actually is.

The World Health Organisation now classifies this condition as a rare, chronic blood cancer, NOT as a disorder. It feels so good to write all this, and I hope you can feel and understand my frustrations at the lack of one, single classification. Macmillan have been amazing for support. For months I was told I didn't have cancer, but am being treated on a cancer ward and I felt like a fraud. The main immediate risk of ET is of thrombosis (blood clots) and strokes, so the need to stay healthy, active where possible, and not smoke, are important. So I'm glad I began this journey in a healthy place where I was active and still am (as far as fatigue allows), a relatively healthy pescatarian, and have never smoked. I probably eat too much cake, but hey, we all have our vices.

It's now affected my financial situation, as I've had to stop working as a life coach. I'm really glad I made my Youtube channel and have a legacy of just over 200 videos behind me, with the aim of helping other people. Dealing with various benefits agencies and going down the disability route has taken weeks and weeks and will take more weeks to come; it's terrifying, uncertain, and nobody can seem to give you a definite answer regarding how you're expected to carry on paying your bills. All you can do is “make the claim and wait and see.”

There have been strange benefits to becoming ill. Maybe my positive attitude and desire to learn in life, has helped me pinpoint the positives. I had the urge to express and write again, and restarted my blog. I'd written one or two blogs last year, and wanted to make it a more frequent and immediate and emotional resource, a way of contributing to the world, to dialogue and to conversations. People started telling me how wonderful and expressive my writing was, which made me very, very happy. I live in the moment more, and enjoy and appreciate the little things. My prognosis is good, but I'll likely be on chemo for life, with a small risk of other complications from the treatment itself, and a small risk of illness progression. 

However for now there is a lot of joy and love in my life to counterbalance the hard stuff, and it's felt really good to document some of the bad as well as the good. I feel very blessed despite my struggles. I've been given a real incentive to get a lot of baggage sorted, and to release myself from situations that are hurting me.

I met the love of my life at the start of my chemo journey, after my medical realisations prompted me to finally end a long term toxic relationship with a person who was causing me great psychic harm. I have my illness to thank for that, as well as my own courage. My new love provided more care, support, patience, and unconditional love in the first few weeks of our dating, than the previous person ever did. He loves me throughout; with my face on, and without. With money, without. When I'm happy and laughing, or not. With thick hair, and after my hair thinned due to chemo and I asked my mum to chop it short. He told me he would love me if I were bald, because I'm beautiful inside and out, and that, Dear Friends, is the only type of person you want loving you.

Adam – I love you heart and soul.

Ellie – my beautiful, loud, creative and loving daughter: I'm so proud of you. Even when we drive each other up the wall.

I apologise for the length of this blog; it's really helped to get all this out. Hope you've been sat comfortably with a nice drink!

With love always,

Karen xxx

Life lessons from a small town! Dear Fear: Blog number 6

Dear Fear: Blog Number 6

I read a fascinating article in a Sunday magazine by a lady called Carolyn Jess-Cooke, who's a renowned author, who has used writing as a therapeutic tool to deal with lifelong anxiety and depression, following a traumatic childhood. It really shouted out to me, inspired and moved me. I read it at just the right time, as I was dealing with changes and fear in my life and getting back into writing again as a way of expressing myself. I could really relate to her feelings and her confusion. I too had a difficult childhood and teen years which included almost constant terror of my father, a feeling he didn't love me (in fact he was incapable of loving anyone, and certainly not himself), and a feeling I somehow wasn't real, wasn't valid, wasn't worth anything.

It left a legacy of depression and anxiety for me also, of huge self doubt at times, and very low moods. Of relationships with emotionally unavailable men; liars, sociopaths, or just insecure and uncertain of themselves. The couple of men who probably did really love me, well, it was hard for me to believe, plus they weren't strong enough men for me to be able to surrender my fear of trusting and feel truly cared for unconditionally.

Back to Carolyn and the idea she showed me; she advised writing a letter to a strong emotion you're feeling. I loved this, it glowed like an inspirational light bulb for me. Emotions are our friends; they need to be acknowledged and loved, but not allowed to rule over us if they're not serving us well by holding us back. So I sat down and I wrote to my old friend – Fear. I hope you like, and maybe it will inspire you to express in some creative way too.

Dear Fear...

I've had enough of your headfuckery

You isolate me and rob me of joy

Insert doubt and panic into my cells

You infect like a virus, like a disease

Infiltrating heart and soul

Getting into my bloodstream

Hijacking logic and reason

And what do I actually get out of your presence?

Procrastination

Insomnia and bad dreams

Crippling terror and an ache in the gut

An inability to see beyond the fear

An inability to enjoy the moment

You descend upon me suddenly like a cloak

A black cloak of doom

That's weighted and hard to shake

You whisper things like...

But what if..?

I'm just not good enough...

What will they think of me..?

Yet I understand

That you are trying to help me

Trying to keep me safe

But, like an overbearing mother

You are not helpful in the long run

You merely disable me

Clipping my wings

And stopping me from flying

I want to soar, soar high

Full of courage, joy and spirit

Goodbye Fear

You've done your job for now

Because right now,

It's time to live.

It's oddly intimate sharing poetry! Here's to personal courage...

Much love, always,

Karen xxx

Life lessons from a small town! Blog 5: New year, fresh start

Blog number 5: New year, fresh start?

Many people rave about new year resolutions and goals, focussing on a 'new me, new year' ideal, but here's a radical idea, what's wrong with recognising the good stuff in your life, regularly re-evaluating what's working, and carrying that over into every day, every month, every year?

It also works the other way; seeing what's sh*t, toxic, misery-making in your life (drinking too much, negative people you hang around with too much, being in a job you hate, miserable relationships that are dragging you down), and taking steps to either get rid of or distance yourself from the rubbish that isn't benefiting you, or making you sick or unhappy.

We're far more emotional than we realise; we get attached to crap things that are bad for us, like flies to mess. We should never assume that we can safely trust our choices without ever questioning them! Most of the reasoning behind why we do the things we do, is emotional, believe it or not. We carry out a high proportion of our daily habits on autopilot, and many of these are seemingly logical, but our reason for doing them in the first place is usually emotional; it makes us feel good somehow.

We get caught up in habits because they feel safe, familiar, not because they're logical. If we were logical creatures, why would we smoke or develop drug habits, or keep going back to that toxic ex even though we know how harmful they are to our sanity?

It's been shown again and again that people will only do things when they really want to, or there's a compelling enough reason to do or not to do the thing. There's two main reasons why we do things; to gain pleasure, or avoid pain. That's it really. New Years Resolutions seem the ultimate way to guarantee that you absolutely won't do something; it's the equivalent of a nagging parent or spouse telling us we must stop stuffing our face with pizza or we'll get fat. We know we'll get fat, but we don't really care because the need for pizza pleasure is too great!

Inspiration comes from all directions if we look for it, are open to it. It's really easy to be inspired when your eyes are open, and you use that desire to be better to, to create small goals for ourselves. Isn't it better to be progressing and growing daily, thus putting yourself in a really strong position for each year to come?

Do YOU believe in New Years Resolutions, or do you work on yourself regularly instead? Which works best for you?

Happy New Year all!

Much love, always,

Karen xxx

Life lessons from a small town! A change is as good as a rest...

Blog number four. Today's theme is 'A change is as good as a rest'

Did you know that working in a new environment triggers your creativity and you generally get more work done? Or that a change of scene can temporarily ease depression or feelings of 'stuckness?' Isn't that amazing? I used to think that familiarity was best, but now I'm learning the joy (and benefits) of a change of scene, even a very subtle change like working or studying in a favourite coffee shop or cosy corner of a pub as opposed to at home (if that's where you normally work).

I'm also constantly amazed how a small change of scene will usually trigger completely different thought patterns, perspectives and feelings. There have been times when I've been at home with negative thoughts associated with a tricky situation, and rather than staying physically stuck, I've moved my body somewhere new (generally with a nicer view, outside, and where I've been able to 'people watch') and watched an almost supernatural process unfold where my brain seems to be taken out of itself and allowed to think more creatively and positively!

Life Coach Tony Robbins has often talked about the importance of being aware of our physiology, especially whilst feeling low or negative. We tend to slump, fold inwards, close off our body language. The act of remaining physically 'open' allows for more effective breathing and flow throughout our bodies, enabling us to function properly in all respects.

Depression feeds on itself in a kind of vicious cycle, where we feel awful, so we reflect that by curling up, breathing more shallowly whilst anxious (which doesn't allow oxygen to the brain, hence strengthening the anxious feelings). We also tend to become immobile, exacerbating things further. We get physically paralysed and thus paralyse our progress.

When I learned the power of a small amount of physical exercise whilst feeling blue, the changes were quite incredible (I have suffered from depression on and off since the age of 10, so I am very aware of every aspect of this nasty condition).

So the next time you feel stuck, try a change of scene, even a small one. Try moving, looking at something different, finding an inspiring or funny video to watch. You'll be amazed at the positive changes it can help create. No bad mood stays the same forever.

If you're indoors, and the weather is okay (or even if it's not) go outdoors. Watch nature. Have a change of scene. Drink your usual coffee elsewhere. Take a book or some work with you.

I'm currently writing this blog upstairs on my bed, instead of downstairs in the lounge!

Try it and see. Happy transformation...

Love always,

Karen xx